| Friday, November 14th, 2008 |
| 7:11 pm |
falling into a pit of despair, time after time i find myself there, even when life has all gone my way, my heart self destructs,and my minds led astray. do i feed off the sadness?relish the pain? its all i have known,again and again. |
| Friday, June 22nd, 2007 |
| 3:10 pm |
i know nobody reads this anymore. theres better things like bebo or myspace,lol so i know that nobody can read this which is a good thing.because i need to offload.i need to run away. Why do so many people have to come into your life and take all your love,then die?what is death? Its been haunting me for years.and it just all seems to get worse and worse. Im floating thru each day,smiles and laughing,but when i really think about it all,i come crashing down.and i cant tell anyone.because they just wouldnt understand. insomnia,eating dosirders,peadophiles,Death,death and more death and pills to make me alright. I look at pictures of me as a kid and i think what i wouldnt give to just be who i was.x |
| Thursday, September 28th, 2006 |
| 11:53 am |
Tonights the night the world begins again.
Hey all, My god its been a while since ive actually sat myself down and wrote on this thing.So much has happend in the past year or so.Nana died.I sang at her funeral. Ive turned 20 and felt old lol Ive stopped drinking about 10 times,and started drinking gin more. I finished with malky,and ive been with someone new for the last 6 months and its all going swimmingly. I must admit a lot of the shtooopit rambling i did last year was to do with the fact i held a torch for craig while i was with malky,but we were living together etc and there seemed like no way out.In the end i got so ill over the whole thing and wouldnt tell anyone,my mum sent me to the gp,and i blurted it all out jen style in the waiting room.she ws surprisingly supportive and said that although they really like malky they understand i need to be sure of things before we get married and a mortgage etc.sooooooo i broke up with him,over the phone(it wasnt planned,i asked him to meet me and he guessed what i was going to say) then i ended up getting roaring drunk and telling craig everything while he was sitting with New Bird.yeh,lol i should have locked myself away for a year or so.anyhoo craig dumped new bird,waited till i was sober and told me he felt the same.and piff paff poof here we are and im all happy. Working for bt,hoping to change jobs as usual and i aint had a singin lesson in months which is shite but everythin else im pleased to say is a-ok. Current Mood: awakeCurrent Music: goo goo dolls. |
| Friday, March 31st, 2006 |
| 4:29 am |
aye pingu was well cute ye ken
yes at the end of the day we want to fill our journal. we feel important.nobody really gives a shit in the great scheme of things.how many universes ARE there?!!! nobody really knows so we are just s shit stain on the teppestry (if thats how u spell it,i dont care) of life.yep. |
| Saturday, March 4th, 2006 |
| 4:26 am |
TORI AMOS
i have always been fat and ive always been wanting wat i cant have. ppl die pple go coz i send em away but i really want them in my life.an a luv the world an everyone and i want each person to be happy in life even if i dont like em. i miss u dont waste ur time on me ur alredy the voce inder me hed i miss u. aw wit.jeremy kyle show shud sign me up.jeeejeeeeeeeeeeeeee i shud have been dorothy. Current Mood:  morose |
| Sunday, February 19th, 2006 |
| 4:18 am |
I am a lonely painter.I live in a box of paints. |
| Friday, February 17th, 2006 |
| 2:00 am |
why,just why??!!! Ok, to stop myself from going into a full on ramble I will do this in a nutshell. I am not sure of myself.I do not like myself.I create problems for myself,I really do and its silly.Im a silly person.I cant stick at anything. I have to flit from here to there,doing daft meaningless things that only make my life and the lives of those around me harder. I dont mean to be a bad person,I guess it just happens.I guess I am just ...well a bit of a lost cause really. All I want,is over the rainbow. |
| Wednesday, February 15th, 2006 |
| 1:53 am |
the master class was amazing but im much too tired and irritable to go through the whole thing just now,theres too much to say.i will got on at great length about it soon. watching father ted in the early hours of the mornin is me new passtime.sleeping pattern is all over the shop.discoverd horlicks.its a bit like drinking a malteaser.heehee.My dog has arthritis.he just hobbles around and sniffs these days.its adorable.Man i wish i looked like angelina jolie. my little goddaughter said the cutest thing the other day (she is 3 and very old fashioned) sarah-"am exauuuuuusted are you exausssssted uncle alex?" alex-"yes sarah,im knackerd" sarah-"yes ,im....anchored aswell" heehee here shes takin efter me.better attempt sleeping or im gonna be sleepy like allllllll day tomorrow.Nite nite xxxx Current Mood:  groggyCurrent Music: coutning crows. |
| Monday, February 13th, 2006 |
| 7:57 am |
got knocked back from the job i thought i had coz they found out i used to have depression etc.thats a bit nasty.another telephone interview tomorrow for some other officy job. But the best news ever is at hand. Im attending a master class taught by a guy whose just finished a run in the london version of chicagoin the adelphi theatre as Billy Flyyn.His vocal instructor is Mary Hammond(for everyone not in the know shes the biggest vocal coach in the uk.only licence holder in uk of the estelle method of voice control,works with micheal ball,elaine paige etc shes the man so to speak.aaaaaanyway hes up in scotland for 2 days to visit my vocal instructor,and my vocal instructor recomended i go to this masterclass to learn some tips on delivering my audition songs.shes recomended to him to teach me for the evening.Cannot believe my luck with that.I sound like an utter geek,and im probably talking to myself here but i am very very pleased just to get the chance to work with him. Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: counting crows |
| Sunday, February 12th, 2006 |
| 5:41 am |
why do we al want who we cant have awk nermind awk wel here it was a gud nite |
| Thursday, February 9th, 2006 |
| 11:44 am |
the sky today is really pretty.i take the sky for granted for the best part.its just there really.but its really quite something. |
| Tuesday, February 7th, 2006 |
| 12:23 am |
I can't get rid of you I don't know what to do I don't even know who is growing on who 'Cos everywhere I go you're there Can't get you out of my hair Can't pretend that I don't care - it's not fair I'm being punished for all my offences I wanna touch you but I'm afraid of the consequences I wanna banish you from whence you came But you're part of me now And I've only got myself to blame You're really growing on me (Or am I growing on you?) You're really growing on me (Or am I growing on you?) Any fool can see Sleeping in an empty bed Can't get you off my head I won't have a life until you're dead Yes, you heard what I said I wanna shake you off but you just won't go And you're all over me but I don't want anyone to know That you're attached to me, that's how you've grown Won't you leave me, leave me alone You're really growing on me (Or am I growing on you?) You're really growing on me (Or am I growing on you?) Any fool can see You're really growing on me |
| Monday, February 6th, 2006 |
| 2:14 pm |
my heart is in chains
Caught myself today,Sitting in a daze.Staring at the sky and its cloudy memories. Once again trying to "sort out"my life.Tori amoses little earthquakes album playing on repeat in my head for the past few days hasnt helped much. Have you ever tried to think of nothing,just to give your mind time to rest?and found it impossible? There are so many thoughts,feelings,memories,dreams whizzing about at 100 mile an hour,it makes no sense to write them down. Im gonna be confining them to a desk and a phone for the next 20 years. I want a mad flirt with adventure i wanna get on a random bus and see where i end up.I want to sing in the street.I want to jump in the biggest puddle i can find,and roll about in it.go somewhere with no doctors,nobody monitoring,nobody who knows me.i want to feel without feeling guilty. |
| Monday, January 30th, 2006 |
| 1:14 pm |
Miss B
Saw My Ruin live for the second time,in the cathouse on friday.A whole lot better than the QMU probably coz of the crowd atmosphere,more pits and pvc,less random students cluttering up the back wall taking notes. Current Mood: boredCurrent Music: Joni Mitchell- little green |
| Saturday, January 21st, 2006 |
| 3:42 am |
Being patient and persistant is what makes dreams come true. |
| Friday, January 20th, 2006 |
| 2:03 am |
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| Tuesday, December 20th, 2005 |
| 7:06 pm |
Everything is jammin once again. I guess life does find a way of rolling on,and it helps that i have a million christmas presents to think about and then theres the two jobs.aye ... I can smell tinsel all over my mums house,its great:) cannae wait fur the tattie massacre at christmas.incase im not back,have a good one xxx Current Mood:  goodCurrent Music: cheryl crow- a change would do you good |
| Wednesday, December 7th, 2005 |
| 9:13 pm |
ride yer maw.let her know its christmas time.
Its all a bit shitey really. Another family member is dead.Avilene.she was 19,just passed her driving test and was killed instantly in a crash on her way home from work. Everyone is devastated. Kirsty,who was a very close friend of mine through school,and who coincidently trapped herself in the worst kind of eating disorders,slipped on ice(how that came about i still dont know) and is now in hospital slipping in and out of consciousness with a blood clot in the head and a fractured skull. my Aunt Agnes has been rushed to hospital with liver problems and its touch and go. found myself in Asda the other day,wondering around with no intention of buying anything.why the hell does that happen?!! everyone i have come into contact with in the past few days have been like blank canvases.including Malky. I didnt get the job.guess my eyes were too puffy. Took a wee bit of a turn in work,still seeing a whale in the mirror,etc etc etc. Back to the anti Ds methinks.hey hey.its a good job ive lost the tori amos cds!! |
| Thursday, November 17th, 2005 |
| 7:38 pm |
Knee highs,theyre great. Discovering the caramel kit kat made my week. Missed billy idol in concert,but hey,ive seen him already and (it has to be said)he is the diet coke of David Bowie.....Bowie.If my mother were younger when she had me,we could have appreciated him together. Chewing peppermint gum before drinking irn bru is a waste of a pound. Decided to be typical and quit college for the second time true waster style.I currently have two jobs,one as a barmaid and the other in a toy shop( so its not all bad) Call me crazy,but theres something about shopping centres and their christmasy music and decorations that make me smile. Current Mood: calmCurrent Music: Beethoven-Moonlight Sonata |
| Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005 |
| 1:35 pm |
I look to the future,it makes me cry. |
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